Food’s just great, isn’t it. And I do enjoy the British cuisine! You’ve got some real bangers ^{(pun intended)} on the menu and you definitely nailed the art of pasties. That being said, there are massive differences between the English and the German cuisine – and some dishes that I loved eating growing up aren’t available here – or are just, well, different.

Over the years I learned how to substitute things or accepted the fact that I can only indulge when I am visiting family. But if you want to have a little overview of things that aren’t great or just better over the pond – and maybe act as a little guide to what you should try once you visit my lovely native country – then here you go.

The original Döner

Now I’ve already talked (or rather: ranted) about it when I spoke about my biggest culture shocks – because it simply is something that I just can’t let go. German Döner is a thing of pure beauty and one of, if not the best fast food one can eat there. It’s perfect. It’s healthier than most, it’s quick, it’s filling, it’s stunning. You got a very specific, fluffy type of pita bread, lots of fresh veggies, a wonderful sauce (partial to herb-sauce myself) and the loooovely meat. It’s made on the spot and you decide what goes into it.

And then there’s… this. The English variant. The sad, grey meat slices lovelessly punched into a plastic box, some chips. Even the restaurants here trying to mimic the German one fail. I was so excited when a chain near me opened, promising the real German deal. It was a very, very sad day.

Bread. All of it.

You know how you can walk down a street and you’ll be able to see the next Greggs standing at the previous one? That’s true for bakeries in Germany. There’s one around every corner, usually implemented into supermarkets or directly adjacent to one. And I miss them so much.

I’m a big fan of bread. Growing up, we had bread for breakfast, as snacks, as school lunches, as dinner. Bread’s omnipresent in a German household – so it’s no surprise we have lots of it. And I mean it: more than 3000 different types. We make it out of everything; wheat, rye, potatoes, you name it. And we put everything in it, too. Oats, nuts, vegetables, fruit – one of my favourites is onion bread. But the absolute best bread on the entire planet is [Pumpernickel]¹ – and I just can’t get it here.

British bread loves its wheat. We call it “white bread”, and really, that’s the majority of what you can find here. And no, it doesn’t magically turn into a different type of bread just because you give it some stripes and call it tiger.

Sausages!

Man, I am ticking all the stereotype boxes here! Britain’s got really nice sausages, there’s no doubt about it. The difference is in the type of sausages and how they are made. In my very unprofessional and definitely not based on facts opinions, British sausages are quite similar to our Bratwurst/Weißwurst – you know, the standard you’d find down in Bavaria. But that’s only a small part – and I prefer the other one. I love smoked sausages and we’ve got so, so many variations of salamis and cold cuts that aren’t available here. My favourite was always to go to a butcher (also inside a supermarket!) and get some fresh [Wiener Würstchen]² to go.

Rice and Semolina Pudding

These are two dishes that only exist as deserts here in the UK, whereas in Germany, these are two full-blown main meals. We eat the pudding hot and mix in fruits or top it with cinnamon sugar. It’s sweet meals, same as pancakes, so we’d only eat it every once in a while, but I just love it. It’s an absolute comfort dish. Usually, I bring a few packages over from Germany with me to always have one handy if I feel like it.

Cakes

This entire article reads like I am only eating unhealthy things all day – but hear me out. You know what’s wrong? Going to a cake store and none of them are chilled. Look, you know how to make a sponge, I’ll give you that. But then you go and ruin everything with icing. It’s just horrible! In Germany, we have things called [Torte]³ – which need to be refrigerated due to their nature of, well, including lots and lots of cream. Fresh cream! Not untrustworthy icing that will survive for weeks on end. No!

This is just a short list of many a things I am missing – and there might be more parts of it further down the line. But for now, these are the ones I moan about the most.

1. Pumpernickel – a bread so black and dense that it has its own gravity. It’s a sourdough-rye bread, slightly sweet in taste. ↩︎
2. Wiener Würstchen – vienna sausage; a parboiled, ready-to-eat sausage. Also known as Frankfurter here in the UK! ↩︎
3. Torte – torte, gateau? Not sure! What I know is that it’s the only right way. ↩︎

[Picture by Wesual Click – thank you!]