Just like the Kaiser Chief’s once said: “Love’s not a competition, but I’m winning” there is no sure way to, well, win – but there are definitely things you can do to better your odds in keeping that love healthy. Okay, sure, I realise that song’s probably not the ideal choice here, but hear me out and let me just take this one line out of context, please.

A relationship is something that keeps on giving day in and day out. It’s something you can rely on. It’s something that gives you strength, joy, that makes you happy. But you’re just one side of the coin – your partner’s the other. And they want and need exactly the same, so it’s important to not rest on your laurels once you’ve secured each other – and especially not once the daily routine catches up with you. So that being said, here are five things I try to do and can see in my partner, that actively make my life better. Some things might work for you – and some might not. And there are definitely dozens I am not mentioning! But these are the core things that make me feel loved and that aren’t difficult to implement.

1. Communication

I do realise that this isn’t just a small thing and that I just last week loudly threw confetti saying communication is the most important foundation of a healthy relationship. And yes, it is. And while it’s crucial to talk with each other and to foster an environment where both feel comfortable sharing whatever it is without having to fear repercussions, I am talking about the little communication here.

Things like saying “thank you” and “please” can go an incredibly long way. Telling them what’s on your mind, giving them the old “hey beautiful!” when you’re passing each other on the way to the kitchen. Randomly yelling “I LOVE YOU!” from upstairs, without context. Several times a day. Always. Saying things out loud, instead of just thinking them. They don’t have to be refined, they don’t have to be prepared. They just have to be genuine.

2. Show love and kindness in whatever way you like

You’ve heard about love languages by now, I assume? They are based off a book by Gary Chapman and basically describe five different ways we like to express and receive love the be able to, well, feel loved. They are words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch – and it’s incredibly useful to figure out in which direction both you and your partner lean. There are tests you can take online and the book’s probably quite good to learn about it as well. But the point is that once you know what it is your partner likes the most, simply implement elements of that all over the place!

3. Let them know you think about them

Sometimes, days can be super busy and the two of you end up living parallel to each other instead of with. Not out of a malicious reason, simply because there’s a lot on your plates. On these days – well, on any, really – it helps a lot to remind the other person that you’re still there and that you’re thinking about them. Again – I am talking small things. You’re making yourself a cuppa? No, you’re making both of you one. Feeling thirsty? Check if they need their water bottle touched up as well.

4. Touching.

This also leans a bit into the five love languages – but honestly, there’s nothing better than a hug. Or a squeeze of your butt. Or a kiss on the forehead. If you crave some intimacy, go get it. Doesn’t matter how long or short or what time the day is. Sometimes, I simply stand up from my desk, go toward my partner’s, and open my arms. It’s similar to the communication I talked about in the first point – only that grabbing each other’s butt’s even more fun.

5. Find things to do together

Spending time together is of course the best thing you can do – but if you’re currently not doing so, it might help to find something that you can both enjoy. Maybe a new hobby? Just a short walk every day at lunch or even before going to bed? Maybe reading the same book alongside each other – or any book for that matter? Sometimes it’s not about doing the same thing. Sometimes it’s just about doing something together. My partner doesn’t draw, for example, but whenever I do, he joins me on the couch learning German.

It’s not the few, big things that make us happy – it’s the constant stream of the tiny ones across the days. It’s the things that keep us continuously nourished instead of starved and waiting for the next highlight. And I’m a firm believer that implementing these and listening to your partner is what makes this wonderful thing called love work.

[Picture by Kenrick Mills – thank you!]