Are you happy? I am.

It took me a while to get there and I only really realised what it meant once I arrived. I think that is true for several feelings or states of being – wherever on the spectrum: love, grief, pride. You only realise what it is once you experience it – it’s something that otherwise stays a concept and you won’t know how it’ll unfold for you.

None of what is about to follow is obviously a professional take or based on facts or statistics – but it’s my kerfuffle of experiences, deductions and realisations that I found for me. And it’ll be different for everyone, I am sure, as we all have different goals and priorities and selves. But maybe it opens up a different view for some of you. That being said, here’s an attempt to put down in words what I think is the best feeling in the world.

Happiness is being content

When I think about “feeling happy”, my mind wanders back twenty years, to 13 year old me and one specific afternoon in late summer. I visited a lake, had just left the water to lie down on my towel and let the warm sun shine down and dry me. I listened to the waves, to the conversations and laughter around me and just felt the heat on my skin – and the moment completely immersed me. And all I could feel was, what I can only describe as a warm hug from myself, starting in my stomach. And for probably the first time in my life this overwhelming wave of content swept over me – and all I could do was laughing out loud.

That was, of course, a moment of happiness and I am lucky to have experienced many following this one. Petting a cat. A hug from a loved one. Eating your favourite cake. But it was the first I actively recognised as such. But more so, I want to talk about the state of being happy. Being able to smile through the day, being able to enjoy yourself whenever you reflect about it – just being wholly present.

Happiness is loving yourself

Since then, I’ve always connected being happy to being content in all aspects of my life; but the most important one being my inner self. It took me quite some time, I’m talking mid-20s, until I started to show myself unconditional love and acceptance. And this catapulted my quality of life to the moon. As soon as I was able to put stress, critique and doubts about myself behind, it was like a not that simply untied itself. Problems were easier to solve, I was more gentle with myself if things went wrong and I learned how to trust in my abilities – and it made an enormous difference in how I absorbed the world around me – and how the world around me saw me, too. If you’re struggling with this, I whole-heartedly recommend putting energy into loving yourself first. It unlocked so many things for me. This is a long process; don’t be too hard on yourself and give it time. You got this.

Happiness is realising what matters

There are so many things around us that require, steal or demand attention – but barely any really deserve it. Being able to learn that oh so many things are out of our hands and control and figuring out which the ones are that we do have control over, makes a big difference. It helps you prioritise, it helps letting go and it gives your mind relief – especially if it likes to be busy. It creates a sense of satisfaction, to me. It means I know that I can enjoy what I have, loving what I do – but also focus on something that pops up right away. I am happy, because I enjoy my current situation. I am happy, because when I look at my circumstances, I agree with them. I am happy, because what I have aligns with what I want.

Happiness is being able to rely on yourself

Having created that structure of self-love and circumstances, perhaps the bottom line of all of this, is that I know that whatever comes, I’ll be able to face this challenge and situation with confidence. It gives me the energy and motivation to pursuit what gives me joy, but also the gentleness and forgiveness, if I allow myself to just stand still for a bit. It’s not reaching milestones for me, it’s knowing that I am safe within myself. It’s the base to work toward these milestones, if they come up, without fear and doubt.

[Picture by Daiga Ellaby – thank you!]