Knowing both German and English, I’ve always felt that in German it is easier to specifically formulate what you’re feeling in way more nuances. Maybe that’s why we call ourselves the country of poets and thinkers, because there are so many words and so many details and so much power in both semantic and words used. Now, that I’ve lived in the UK for quite some time, this view hasn’t changed, though I’ve certainly gotten better at expressing myself in English. And I’ve learned that you, too, have these fine nuances – just maybe a bit more hidden than we do.

One of those things is telling another person how much they mean to you – and what they mean to you. For a long time I was incredibly insecure and didn’t want to say “I love you” – because the power it has being said in German didn’t translate 1:1 to its English counterpart. That doesn’t mean that the latter has less meaning. It simply means that while we in Germany express different stages of affection via different words, you put more emphasis on how you say it and its context. It was a very odd thing to learn.

That being said, I want to talk about the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone – as it’s a big one. And I hope that you, too, will be or are lucky enough to experience both.

What does being in love with someone feel like?

In Germany, we would call this verliebt – the beginning. Attraction. The fireworks. The adrenaline, the passion, the raw desire that we feel for someone else. It’s the nervousness and the butterflies, that make everything that you experience and feel with the other person so intense. You want them, madly, non-stop. It’s the phase that’s just too good to really be true – one high after another. And it’s wonderful. It’s ecstatic and wild – and temporary.

Being in love doesn’t last that long, usually. How could it. The obsession comes from the unknown, the exploration and the new. It’s the rose coloured glasses that make everything – and everyone – perfect, even if it means ignoring flaws or issues. Now, I am of course not an expert – but from experience, it’ll be a couple of months? It differs from relationship to relationship – and things such as long-distance also play a role. But no matter what, it’ll always be temporary. But that’s not a bad thing. Because afterwards, it can turn into something so much better.

What does loving someone feel like?

Once the sparks have settled, it’s easy to mistake it for the end. I know I definitely did when I was younger and didn’t know better – and the partner wasn’t the right one to enter the next chapter with. Once those butterflies go away and kisses or sex doesn’t evoke the same strong feelings of desire and obsession anymore, one could think it’s over. And for many, this might be true. But sometimes, sometimes it evolves into the reason why love is considered the most wonderful and valuable of all our feelings.

Love is calm. Love is safety. Love is acceptance. It’s the switch from wanting someone to needing someone. It’s the swap from constant excitement to partnership, support and intimacy. It’s temporary to permanent. Loving someone is sharing your life, your entire being, your self and time – and it feels like it’s the easiest thing in this entire world. It’s longing for their personality and their commitment. It’s finding peace. Seeing their flaws and accepting them without even having to think about it. Love is wanting the other one to be happy and doing all you can to make it possible. Love is real, deep friendship and a very slow process.

Being in love is about feelings. Loving someone is a choice you both make.

[Picture by Ileana Skakun – thank you!]