In one of my favourite songs my one of my favourite German bands, Die Ärzte, they sing “it’s not your fault the world’s as it is – but it would be your fault if it stays like this” – which has always resonated with me, ever since I was a moody little teenager listening to them for the first time. Now, being an adult, I know that I don’t have the skills, the reach, the means or the character to create big waves – and that’s okay. Because the more I think and learn about it, the more I know that making an impact means just doing what you can. Because as long as enough of us are doing it, we are the wave.

Why giving compliments?

One of the things that I do to better the world – well, at least that’s what I categorise it as – is giving people compliments. Making our society and planet a better place to live comes in so many different ways, shapes and forms – and this is one of the things that I found to be just marvellous. Why?

Well, we all love getting compliments, don’t we. It’s something so pure and so powerful, especially if it comes from a stranger, but also from people we know or are close to us. It’s something that gives happiness and pride without asking for anything in return. It’s free, it’s fast, it’s simple. And the impact that it can create, is astonishing. I remember random compliments I got from strangers years ago. Once, a random man commented on how much he liked my t-shirt. That was a good decade ago. And it still makes me smile and I am still wearing that t-shirt. I can remember all of the most beautiful things people have ever said to me, be it friends, partners, strangers. Kinds! By god, a compliment from a child is like drinking pure ambrosia. But it’s especially the kind words from people I don’t know that resonate with me the most. Why? Well, because there was no need for them to let me know. They could’ve just kept thinking whatever it is they were thinking – but they decided to let me know and make my day. And I want to be that person as well.

How to become brave enough

But man, getting there was spooky. I am not an extrovert and I am surely not alone when I say that just talking to random people around me is quite anxiety inducing. So, funnily enough, I started small. I wouldn’t just go all in and let everyone know what nice things I thought about them. Instead, I took my time. I would, for example, always give strangers who were sneezing in public a [“Gesundheit!”]¹. It’s common and normal enough that people wouldn’t be irritated, but outgoing and unusual enough that I would get more confident in randomly approaching and saying something to people I didn’t know. I’ve been doing this for a good 15 years now, and never have I ever gotten a negative response to this. It’s usually a friendly “Thank you!” or even a little laugh. My all-time favourite was someone giving the loudest sneeze across an entire supermarket. I yelled “GESUNDHEIT!” and got a loud “THANK YOU!” yelled back. I think that was the instance where I thought that I could go to the next level.

Now, that’s just one example, of course. I also started, at the same time, with giving more compliments to people that I already knew and were comfortable with. Because, well, that’s just easier. So I encourage you to find something as well, that’s easy enough to blend in, but will force you to come out of your shell at least bit by bit, if you’re struggling with the idea of the outspokenness of giving compliments to strangers.

Giving compliments feels amazing

Next step? Actually giving the compliments. Again, I’ve been doing this for years, but I still get incredibly nervous and a rush of adrenaline when I decide to say something out loud. But never, not once, was it not well-received. Quite the opposite. Not too long ago I told a cashier in the supermarket I went to, who clearly made a wonderful effort with her hair that day, how beautiful it was. I have never in my life seen someone glow up like she did within a second. You see, giving compliments is not only a gift for the one receiving it – but also for you giving it. I was smiling for the entire rest of the day. I remember a lot of the people I’ve talked to, too. Even if I’ve never seen them again. It almost never evolves into conversations, either. It’s just a quick exchange of something nice. Something heartfelt. And, as I always though, just something really raw and honest. And isn’t that just one of the most valuable things we can give?

[Picture by Markus Spiske – thank you!]

1. Gesundheit – literally “health”. This is what we say instead of “Bless you!” when someone sneezes. Now, we’re quite divided as to which ones accurate, if we wished health to the one that sneezed, or if we instead wished health to ourselves, almost like a protective spell, because sneezing was often a first sign of the black death. Mind you, perfectly aligned with our German character: some even think we shouldn’t say it all and the one who sneezed should apologise instead. We’re a lovely folk, I promise! ↩︎