Ah yes, the day of love. Is that it’s name? Well – you know, Valentine’s Day. The little light that indicates having survived the winter. What’s your stance on it – are you team “Yes, please!”, team “Absolutely not”, or team “I couldn’t care less” – and why?

What’s Valentine’s history?

The origin of this day is actually remarkably unclear. We know that there was this guy, Valentine (later becoming a Saint) – but what he did, we don’t really know. A very common legend says, that he performed weddings for Christian soldiers that were forbidden to marry (by the Roman emperor). Others say, he wrote a love letter before his execution, creating the whole “Your Valentine” shebang. Maybe a bit of both? There was also a fertility festival in ancient Rome (Lupercalia), which could’ve been the origin. Fact is, we don’t know. What we do know, today, is that it’s a day to express your love. Classically, to your partner. More modern, to your friends and family as well.

What’s it’s purpose?

Now, on paper, this sounds good. Showing someone your love and care. Maybe using it as the final push needed to ask your crush out, when you’re still younger. Having an excuse for a date. You know. That’s great! Every excuse for love is great ^{(as long as it’s legal)}. But then I look at the stores, the supermarkets – and I just don’t understand. Sure, commercialisation has reached every last nook and cranny on our earth by now, but instead of making me appreciate it or making me want to actually buy something, it has the opposite effect – it’s just overdone. Too much and intense. It’s just ingenuine to me.

This is the conclusion that I arrive at every year anew. It turns something that has its roots in something beautiful into a leech. No shade, leeches, you’ve got your place. But something heartfelt, a reminder, an occasion, into a money machine. Literally. Researching for this, I learned that the UK is spending £1.5 billion on this day, or leading up to this day. That’s a lot. And what’s it spend on: flowers, chocolate, really kitschy teddy bears or mugs? A dinner reservation?

My takeaway

Okay, right – I want to end this article with something useful, not just complaining. Everything has a spectrum and romance is no exception. I get that for some, this day is a good reminder to take some extra time for your partner, especially if it’s rare in everyday life. But for anyone who needs to hear this: it’s not compulsory. There is no obligation. Speak to your partner about expectations. Is it really the material component that is important here – or the sentiment? Wouldn’t spending time not be better than Valentine’s crackers or salami slices in a heart-shape? A walk, a handwritten letter instead?

And at the end of the day – do you really need a specific day to let the other one know what you feel? Doesn’t that feel forced, in a way? Maybe it would be different if it wasn’t shoved into our faces the day after Christmas, cramped on the shelves in between Easter eggs. But there’s nothing stopping you from getting your loved one a bar of their favourite chocolate with a handwritten note taped to it any day of the year. Or a potted plant ^{(way cooler than bouquets, if you ask me)} you saw at the store whenever you want. Taking them out for to the beach. Heck, for an afternoon at the arcades! You know, you can do this whenever you want. And you know what’s the best about this? It’ll have so much more impact. And so much more genuine. Because it’s not on a day that society tells you to do so.

[Picture by Kelly Sikkema – thank you!]