Germany’s the land of [Kaffee und Kuchen]¹ and the UK is undisputed kingdom of tea and biscuits. It’s not just an afternoon snack, though, it’s a national obsession, a daily ritual, and in some cases, the glue holding society together.

When I first arrived in Britain, I was baffled by how passionately people debated biscuits. Not just which ones were the best, but also how they should be eaten, how long they should be dunked in tea, and which brands reign supreme.

Before we dive into this, though, there’s one thing I need you to understand right away, if you value your life: biscuits ≠ cookies. Never, ever call a biscuit a cookie and a cookie a biscuit. Trust me.

The sacred biscuit hierarchy

I’ll probably annoy a lot of Brits and that’s fine. Taste’s are different and this list is by all means necessary very subjective. But the truth is, not all biscuits are created equally. Some are legends, others are… tolerated. Here’s a list of what you can generally expect:

• Ginger Nuts: the legend. The one and only. Excellent dunker, lovely spice. Simply perfect.
• Digestives – The Volkswagen Golf of biscuits. Reliable, loved by all, but rarely anyone’s first choice. Unless you add chocolate.
• Hobnobs – Basically a better Digestive. Oat-based, hearty, and a personal favourite of anyone who likes the crunch factor.
• Custard Creams – Suspiciously sweet but deeply nostalgic. If childhood had a flavour, this would be it. Otherwise, quite boring, but a good dunk.
• Bourbons – The chocolatey cousin of Custard Creams. Somewhat controversial, but those who love them will defend them fiercely. Honestly, I think they’re the best with or without a cuppa.
• Rich Tea – The absolute wildcard. Some could argue it’s made for dunking – some might counter that even one dunk is already an absolute risk. Nice taste, though.

Dunking: High risk, high reward

Dunking biscuits into tea is a dangerous yet highly respected tradition. Do it right, and you get a warm, slightly softened treat. Do it wrong, and your biscuit collapses into the tea abyss, never to be seen again. The key to a successful dunk? Timing.

Too short? The biscuit remains hard.
Too long? Disaster.

Some biscuits, like Hobnobs, are built for dunking. Robust, reliable, absolute sponge for tea. Others, like Rich Tea, require surgical precision—one fraction of a second too long, and it’s a soggy mess. And you’re ending with half the biscuit in your tea. No thank you. Tea with bits.

We’re coming to an end, but before you go, I’ve got the ultimate tea tip for you: KitKat-Straws. It’s a little messy, but wonderful. Simply take a single KitKat… uh, stick? Bar? Well, one of the things, and nibble off the chocolate ends. Then, use as a straw. The tea will fill the chocolate, soften the wafer and melt the chocolate. And I promise you, it’s the best thing. You’re welcome. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there are some ginger nuts waiting for me.

[Picture by Daria Nepriakhina – thank you!]

1. Kaffee und Kuchen – “cake and biscuits” ↩︎