Moving to another country brings the unique perk of diving head first into and learning an entirely new culture. And for the most part, it’s great! It’s incredibly fascinating and very humbling in a way to learn the differences and similarities in everyday life, even though we’re geographically so close. Some things are better in my home country, some things are better here in England. Of course! That’s how I expected it to be and it’s what I experience every day. There are, however, a couple of things that I find outright stupid. Here they are.

Your blankets

Strong opener – hear me out. The first time my partner and I met in Germany, he was absolutely baffled and delighted that we’ve got separate blankets. I didn’t really know why until the day I slept in his bed for the first time. Britain, genuinely, what the heck. Why do you have a massive double sized blanket for a couple? It’s silly! Absolutely impractical! Nothing romantic about it – it ruins a good night’s rest! It’s a constant tug of war, worrying about stealing too much, you can’t fold your legs in – it’s horrific! Safe to say, one of the first things we did once I moved was swapping that shit out for two singles. Cuddling is nice, but sleep is sleep.

Bank holidays

In Germany, bank holidays have set dates. They don’t change. This means that the weekdays vary from year to year. For example, our German Unity Day is always on the 3rd of October. This year, that’ll be a very convenient Friday. Last year, it fell on a Thursday. Point is, the days are correlated to a set date. This also means, that there’s a thing such as [Brückentage]¹ – which means that we might end up having even more days off! It’s a gamble each year and some are definitely better than others – but it’s always reliable.

Here in Britain, they are not. You don’t care. The only thing you do care about is that it gives you a long weekend. All of your bank holidays are orchestrated and there is a set, fixed amount. And you know what? I loath this, even though on paper, it makes it neat and tidy. I can’t really explain why. I think it strips the bank holidays of what they are meant to be. Even the name annoys me! You know what they are called in Germany? Feiertage – celebration days! And every Feiertag has a reason! We’ve got Easter, Labour Day, Ascension Day, Reformation Day – you know, historically important stuff! What do we have here? A spring and a summer holiday. Pfff.

Shop opening times

This kind of ties in with the previous bank holidays. Listen. In Germany, we take our bank holidays and our weekend incredibly serious. Especially our Sundays. Our Sundays, kind of, are like bank holidays.

Everything is closed on Sundays.

Everything commercial, that is. Important infrastructure is of course still functioning – healthcare, public transport, etc. Restaurants are open, cafés. But shops? Closed. By law. We’ve got something called [Verkaufsoffener Sonntag]² – but you’re only allowed a limited amount of times of these annually – eight, I believe. And you know what? It works. It’s great! I love it! Sunday is such a calm, lovely day. Here in Britain? It’s not. But you don’t stop at Sundays, no, you even have your shops open on bank holidays! Why? Why, Britain? Is there anything holy in this country?

Multipacks

I’m staying in the ballpark of shops. Here’s something I cannot wrap my head around: multipacks. For anyone who’s not familiar with this (e.g. everyone outside the UK), a multipack is a plastic bag that holds several more plastic bags with small portions of things. The classic here would be crisps. So you get a bag full of tiny bags full of little amount of crisps.

In a world, where we’re generally working towards waste reduction, Britain just decided to sit this one out. I can’t emphasise enough how much this angers me, as it’s absolutely stupid. Yes, I hear you over there, yelling “but it’s so practical to have just a small portion!” – well, buy a big bag and fill something up into a container! Use a resealable clip! You don’t stop at crisps, though. You definitely have a thing for wrapping things within something already wrapped. Tiny cakes in a bag? Yep, all cakes singly wrapped inside that. Biscuits? You guessed it, that’s divided into three little sealed packs as well. Whoever thought of this is a knobhead.

Sauna etiquette

Okay, this is very specific and I will probably write another whole article about this. But what are you scared of, Britain? I love going into a sauna – it’s incredibly relaxing. Well, unless you’re in a sauna in Britain, of course. Here’s what you’re expected to do in Germany: be naked, be polite and quiet, sit on your towel – sweat. That’s it. In fact, we’ve got loads of really amazing spas across the country that have a multitude of different saunas and swimming pools attached to it, where you aren’t allowed to wear anything (you might in the pools, but not in the saunas).

Here in the UK, it’s the entire opposite! You have to wear swimwear, people are loudly discussing politics unaware and inconsiderate of anyone else being in there with them – it’s anything but relaxing. Why, Britain?

This list is by no means complete, but these are definitely five of the most irritating things for me in this country. I’m sure there will be a second part at some point.

[Picture by Gaelle Marcel – thank you!]

1. Der Brückentag – “Brücke” (bridge) + “Tag” (day); a bridge day is the day between a bank holiday and the weekend, most commonly a Monday or Friday. In a lot of industries, the company or service will be closed in addition to the bank holiday, though you’ll have to utilise a day of your annual holidays for it, you won’t get it gifted like a normal bank holiday. ↩︎
2. Verkaufsoffener Sonntag – “Verkauf” (sale) + “offen” (open) + “Sonntag” (Sunday); a Sunday where shops are open. ↩︎