Making decisions is something that can be surprisingly difficult at times. Not just the heavy and hard ones – but also the small everyday things. And you are definitely not alone if you feel it to be overwhelming. Sure, when we’re younger, others make the most and big decisions for us – but as we grow, suddenly, we’re expected to make them ourselves. And that’s where things can get tricks – especially, if you’re from an upbringing that, well, didn’t really teach you. And then it just keeps on happening.

Start small

We all struggle with the big things – and that’s understandable. After all, these are the things that’ll most likely come with life-altering changes so it’s normal to give those ones a proper thinking. So they aren’t the ones where you should start with this. Start small and work your way up.

Ask yourself what’s for lunch without anyone’s opinion. Pick out a book to read that’s entirely up to you. Don’t except an inner “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” for an answer – instead, bring yourself to go for a conscious decision. Red bell pepper, yellow bell pepper? Instead of a “both are fine”, pick one purposefully.

This might sound stupid, but it helped me tremendously in the beginning – simply because it showed me the feeling of a making a choice, even though the stakes were miniscule. But it weirdly helps trusting your instincts and just learn to appreciate the process, I guess.

And the better it feels, the more natural it’ll come – slowly but steadily building up your confidence. And this’ll prepare you for the bigger ones! It is making it far more easier to make an important decision when you’ve already learned to trust your own judgement.

Reflect on past decisions

The best teacher is your past, so it’s worth looking at choices you’ve made before – and how they turned out. Anything you’re really proud of? Maybe there are some that you regret? If you’ve got quite a bunch to choose from, maybe you’ll find a pattern behind them that could help your thinking. For example, I was always super quick to try and please everyone that would be affected, instead of focussing on what I would enjoy – even if it’s just throwing in some possibilities. So I’d often times end up somewhere or spending money on something I wouldn’t have otherwise. So now, I hold myself accountably for always giving input. If my partner asks me what we’re going to eat tonight, I’ll always think of a few options, instead of outright saying “Don’t know?”

I’ve also been guilty of rushing things instead of giving it a few minutes, hours, or even days to give it some more thinking.

What’s really useful is looking at mistakes, too. The choices that didn’t go well – which is fine. We all do them and it’s really how we learn. If all things always go well – that’s, well, ideal, I guess – but there’s also no resources to extract knowledge from. If things always work out, how do you learn how to fix things?

You can still ask for advice

Making your own decision doesn’t mean that you’re isolated during the process. There is nothing wrong with asking for advice if you’re unsure about something. Heck, I’d recommend getting someone else involved if it means that it’s the only way to get a full picture of something. If I don’t know enough about something, I always make sure to get all information needed before I make a choice. And sometimes, talking it through with someone else can provide you with a fresh perspective.

But ultimately, it’s still going to be you to make the final choice. Others may give their opinions, but only you know what’s best for you in the long run – which is what you’re always working towards. You’re the one who will have to live with the outcome, so trust yourself to make the call.

No decision is perfect

It’s so easy to get stuck in the “what if” cycle, wondering what could happen if you choose one path over another. And you know what? We just don’t know – and it doesn’t matter. Life doesn’t work like that. As long as you’ve made your decision with the information you had at the time, there’s no need to dwell on it. Mistakes, detours, and failures are all part of the process of learning to make your own choices. And in the end, this is what helps you grow and become more confident in the future.

[Picture by Javier Allegue Barros – gracias!]