Did you know that, yes, even though we’re of course all individuals, our personal needs most often than not come down to the exact same things? In 1992, Gary Chapman wrote the book about the five love languages – a concept that is very much still relevant today (and I highly recommend reading his book!) – stating that most of us can be grouped into one of five categories regarding how we love receiving love the most, but also how we love giving love the most. That was a lot of love!

Here are the different ones:

• Words of affirmation
• Quality time
• Physical touch
• Acts of service
• Receiving gifts

In this article I’ll go a bit into what acts of service are all about.

What does this language mean for you?

Now, I don’t blame you for thinking that this one sounds the oddest out of the bunch. Or maybe it’s just me, who knows – which is ironic, as this is my giving love language. But between love letters, spending time and cuddling, this one, to me, surely sticks out a bunch. But at the end of the day it’s simply the method of declaring that actions speak louder than words.

If this is your love language, you’ll be absolutely delighted and feel incredibly loved if your partner (or anyone, really – but we’re focussing on partners for this!) does something selfless for you. These could be the easiest things; making you a cup of tea. Bringing you home your favourite snack. Emptying the dishwasher. Whatever it is, it signals that your partner thought of you and wanted to do something that made you happy, without actively benefitting from it themselves.

(This also very much works for yourself, by the way. I am currently pre-writing all these blog entries as a bunch, simple because they correlate to each other. And boy do I know that future-Ellie will feel so loved by past-Ellie.)

What do you do if your partner has it?

If your partner’s love language is receiving acts of service, the best thing you can do is looking for things in your everyday life that they do, that you could do or support them with. Or do something unexpected, that you know they will enjoy. As I said at the beginning, it sounds a bit different than the first three love languages, but it’s simply another way of showing your love.

Do something nice for them – this could be cooking their favourite meal or taking them out to their favourite restaurant. Maybe they are having a not so great day and you could prepare them a bath or simply offer to be there to listen or talk. But it could also be doing something they are really passionate about – but you might not. Maybe they love going on walks and you could accompany them? Maybe you could watch an episode of that series they enjoy a lot, even if you don’t care about what happens?

Acts of service are all about being thoughtful gestures. They don’t have to be escalating in scale – the sheer fact of knowing that they are in your mind and you went out of your way to do something for them is more than enough.

[Picture by Freestocks – thank you!]